A thing I need to say is that I had writer's block for, like, a year and a half. Like, if you go back through old blog there are just months and months of me writing about how I couldn't write and I sometimes wanted to rip my hair out over it and sometimes I just wanted to sob and sob and sob forever.
So then I packed up and moved to New York and I think that that's when this whole headache finally stopped. I owe 50% of my thanks for that to the city and 50% to my creative writing class, which is sort of cheesy, but it's actually the best class that's ever existed and it basically forced me to get rid of writers block and made me write stories and forced me into this new era of poetry and the whole thing makes me feel like hugging everyone in the world and also I am super starving right now but I wanted to come home and write more than I wanted to go get food and that hasn't happened to me in a long time and I feel like kissing strangers and poetry blogging (which I am) and also like listening to Beyonce (which I also am).
Anyway. I have my final portfolio due in creative writing next week and the last thing I am working on for it is a series of poems about a lot of things but there's a little through-line of the shapes of words but mostly how I'm having these crazy epiphanies of being and existence and how I have this life that is so uniquely mine and it's not my parents' or my friends' or anything it's just this life I built that's all my own and the series is about how I'm dealing with that and the people and things inside of it and where I want it to go.
I wrote this piece of the series today. I'm sort of fascinated with the first drafts of my poems because they are some of the only places where I can look at them later and see my actual mind working because I don't really think when I write (it just happens) and I draw a lot of arrows and cross things out and it's like seeing my own brain, like, set down on the table. It looked like this at first:
And now it looks like this:
I'm just writing poetry about how fascinated I am with life because I'm at this point in my existence where I have always been happy, but I don't know if I have ever been as happy as I am right now at any other stage of my life and that's probably the best feeling in the world.
Happy Thursday.
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you odd." -Flannery O'Connor
Over and out,
Addy
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