Monday, April 28, 2014

Instructions for Universe Construction

I've been meaning to blog for a while now. You know, a narcissistic instinct to update you people on my life or give you some sort of inspirational "lean with the curves of the universe"-type something or other. I have a handful of drafts. One's about ruling the world. It fluctuates every time I go back to work on it. It's like, "I am going to rule the world someday! Woohoo! Yeah!" and then it's like, "But also I don't know how to handle people or the world or anything." I have another draft that just says, "I love New York. I don't say that often enough because sometimes I am very bad at living here."

It's been a long few weeks. Not in a bad way or a good way, just long. Late nights, early mornings, late mornings, late nights. Etc. I've been homesick for Utah and then homesick for New York in some sort of strange preemptive way. I've been anxious and sad and wanted to stay in bed and leave only to see movies by myself. And I have. I think sometimes that those are the times I should blog. Those are the times I should go all Sylvia Plath, let my sadness drive incredible work or blah blah, but I'm pretty much in the habit of blogging only when I'm actually feeling good, wanting to send good vibes out into the universe or something.

And today I'm feeling good. I'm wearing shiny red lipstick and a leather jacket and camo pants and I did my hair today. I went to class today. I'm taking control of my life today. I'm listening to Iggy Azelia and she is singing me the songs of how to handle my life today. I signed up for yoga teacher training this summer today and it's the best thing that's ever happened and I've wanted it for years.

I don't really know where this blog post is going. I guess what I really want to say is, yes, lean with the curves of the universe, but also, like, construct your own universe. Put on lipstick and buy soft underwear and admire how pretty your own tumblr is (or admire mine) and be alone when you need to be but also reach out to people. Lay in the dark with your friends instead of laying in the dark alone. The dark is better that way. Drink caffeine but not after 3 pm because getting enough sleep is important. Drink enough water. Sweat.

On Saturday I just decided that I'm going to go to Boston this weekend. I just decided it and made it a thing. I feel lucky because I have the coolest, smartest friend out there at Harvard who has a place for me to sleep, but also, like, I suddenly realized that I am young enough to do things like that, decide to just go to Boston this weekend, but also I am old enough to do things like that. It's so weird and little but also it's enormous and spontaneous and wonderful. I rarely even leave Manhattan, and I should do that more often. I should leave my footprints or my words or my instagram posts all over the world because I can. And I feel so lucky to feel that.

The idea of constructing my own universe is something I've understood for a long time in a sort of large, shoddily constructed way, and it's not like I woke up today and I understood and was so perfect at it or anything, but also I did. I woke up and I bs'd half a French paper (that I think deserves an A+ for that reason alone, because if I can bs in French, I'm getting good, right?) and I chose music that made me feel powerful and clothes that made me feel good and made a to-do list and I just did it. And that doesn't mean every day is a day when I have my life together, or that every day even should be a day when I have my life together, but, like, today it is. And it feels good. These are lessons in constructing my own universe and being the Queen of it.

So at risk of sounding like a self-help book, like, start constructing your own universe. It feels good. Start by getting out of bed and washing your face and wearing good underwear and listening to Iggy Azelia:

Happy Monday, weirdos, and happy almost-May.

"There may be more beautiful times, but this one is ours." -Jean-Paul Sartre
Queen Addy